I’ve shared her link before on my Facebook page, but it’s worth sharing again now. The descriptions of what it’s like to be depressed, or to have people try to fix your depression, are funny and sad and the most true to my personal experiences that I’ve read online (down to Blockbuster, which makes me feel old).
Someday I’ll write more about this, but one of the most sobering things for me to realize is that the deepest depression of my life occurred on and off as I was graduating college, and therefore going off insurance and any possible treatments I could afford. I am so grateful that the dark days, during which the weird combination of anxiety and dull nothingness made me want to do nothing but sleep away my existence (literally, thankfully I was not suicidal). For me, there was no magic fix, and some things worked better than others, but more so a gradual reawakening, if you will. For that, I am forever grateful.
And, I have family members who wrestled with suicidal thoughts, and it is among my deepest joys in life that they have found their reasons to live and are still among us.
Robin Williams was a celebrity, not someone most of us knew in real life. But, so many of us invited his films into our living rooms for entertainment over the years. It could not possibly be compared to losing a family member this horrible way, but the world felt genuine, collective shock that he would take his own life. His death is tragic and I don’t mean to make light of it or make him a hero in a twisted way. But for a moment yesterday, I saw countless listings of the suicide hotline, and I just hope that someone in the depths of the deceptive numbness and self-loathing, who might feel that they had no other choice, called that number.
(The link above is part two of her story, and part one is worth reading, too. Note: a few f-bombs.)